• Satavisha

Becoming Too Familiar With Ourselves

Updated: Mar 29

How often do we stand in front of mirrors and marvel at the wonderful person? How rarely do we feel deeply the good deeds that we do? Unconsciously, we take ourselves for granted to such an extent that we need an outer force to make us feel unique. This attachment with validation sometimes hamper our ability to love our features consciously, because do we really feel ourselves consciously?

A few days ago, I came across a post which talked about how unaware we are of ourselves. Sometimes I do wonder that in the journey of knowing ourselves, have we internalised our features so much that it now seems pretty ordinary and something which doesn't command admiration daily? It's not only a tale of self-love but a story of living each moment consciously. Knowing someone is a mammoth task and in the journey of uncovering the self,lies the tint of an unaccountable strangeness which results in heightened admiration.

The worst hurdle I overcame in the last few years was to change the way of analysing my deeds. It was drilled into my mind that I was supposed to take care of people, that it was not at all welcome to sternly warn men who would harass me in the name of love, and the absolute lesson : that I should learn to forgive but not do something for which I have to seek forgiveness. By analysing all my deeds in the frame of protocols, I made this self of mine so homely that even when I stretched my boundaries to do something, I regarded it as the necessary and unavoidable station of life.

Maybe I'm too familiar with the mole on my neck, my pink palms, my not so pleasant laughter, the assurance I give to my friends on a dark night when time stands still and dawn refuses to appear, the endless text messages I send to my loved ones repeating the confirmation that I'll be there no matter what, that I have strangely made this self homely. If I came across myself on a flight, in an elevator, at one of the darkest streets of North Calcutta or in a corner of Kolkata Airport, tightly hugging the boarding pass, wouldn't I have looked at her and marvelled what a wonderful woman she is?

Artwork by Nicole Rifkin.



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